That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
