I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
