I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
