Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
