yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
