so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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