I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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