My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
