onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
