i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
