Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
