I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
