New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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