god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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