Pappa wants mamma naked
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
