chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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