If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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