just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
