You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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