dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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