Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
