What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
