I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
