I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
