I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
