Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
