I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
