i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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