Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
