Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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