let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i out mim tonsoeep
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
