Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i would punch a child for taco bell
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
