I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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