all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
