My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
