if you like me you must not know who I am
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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