I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I could make wine with my vomit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
