you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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