She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
