if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
