i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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