Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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