I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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