it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
zippers are such a cool invention
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
