Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
