I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
