Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
