Small penises have feelings too.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
