she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
