onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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