im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
